Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Feeling guilty....and I should!
I love my children more than life itself and just like any mother I would do absolutely anything in the world for them. So why is it that we tend to hurt the one’s we love? No, I didn’t hit my 6 year old or abuse him physically. What I did do was hurt his tiny little feelings though and that is just as bad. A month ago he went to try out for a local play, he got one of many parts and will portray an orphan and a pickpocket. Now keep in mind he is 6 years old and for those of you who have a child this age or have ever been around a child of this age, you know how active they are. Up until tonight the cast has been working on choreography and they have danced their hearts out all over the stage. Great for an active child right? Well, tonight they began the task of putting the scenes together. This requires a lot of patience and the cast members must listen and follow direction well. My son is one of the youngest in the show and this was a huge challenge for him. As I am sitting in the audience watching the scenes played out I see my son walking around in places he is not supposed to be, moving around when he is supposed to be “asleep” and talking to other characters while the main performers are bringing home the end of a song. I am embarrassed to say the least and I could feel the warmth begin to well up inside my body. I wasn’t sure if I should call him out on his behavior in front of everyone or let the director tend to the troubles. I was asking myself a dozen questions in my head and finding absolutely NO answers. Will I embarrass him if I go to him and tell him to stop? Will the director be angry with me for entering the scene to attend to my son? Is she thinking I am a poor parent for not stopping this behavior? Will I distract the rest of the cast if I go to talk to my son? I am at a total loss for what to do. So, I chose to let the director handle the situations and I took notes. Yep, literally took notes. I wrote down all the things that I saw him do that were not in the script. I had quite a list by the end of the hour long practice and when it was time to go, we left expediently. Once in the vehicle, I began to point out all the “bad” things I had seen my son do during this practice. I was really relentless and looking back now, totally unfair. I looked over to my son and saw tears beginning to roll down his sweet little cheeks and I felt horrible. And yes, I should!
I think as a mother I get so caught up in the fact that I want my children to experience success in everything they do. I have a competitive spirit and I think everyone should feel the same but, the reality is, they don’t. And really, should they? I learned an invaluable lesson tonight from my 6 year old son. I did not follow the Golden Rule. I did not treat others the way that I want to be treated. I would have been angry and sad if I had been treated this way by anyone. I am ashamed. As a parent we are to teach our children about life and respect for others and I dare say, my son taught me a thing about life today.
I now must go to my heavenly father in prayer and ask for the forgiveness that I know I don’t deserve for hurting the precious child that he blessed me with. I must also ask my young son for his forgiveness as well. I have a lot to answer for tonight.