Monday, April 16, 2012

Bending, but not broken!!!!

Its been a long time since I have posted anything on our blog. I want to share my journey the Lord has taken me down! A spiritual surgery that I was not looking to have done. No one is, right? I needed a transplant within my deepest soul and the Lord is doing this daily! Change, Me Lord! I have prayed this for close to a year. Watch what you pray for. :)  WOW! I had no idea what this meant for me in my life. He will finish what he started and I am bending in places I never thought I could. A work in me that is continually being tested and many tears along the way. It hurts to bend and have to change. His work in me has been such a challenge for me. Learning to yield to him daily!! Looking at all the blessings he has given, even in the valleys. Letting go of everything I am, and surrendering to the LORD. Completely depending on him for everything in my life, I mean everything. I need to know his will for my life, not mine? I am still struggling and in such pain trying to find the answers. I have been told by family, friends, and a few that I have met along the way that I have a gift of writing and speaking, that I need to tell my stories. I laugh and say "I am not a writer nor could I ever stand in front of a crowd of people and speak and let my stories be revealed. I am waiting for the Lord to reveal his will for my life. Too many times have I ran way ahead of the Father without finding out his will. I will patiently be waiting and resting in him.

What I "want" and the "Fathers will" for my life are 2 very different things. Prayer, prayer, prayer, and going to his word daily!! This is how we find the answers the Lord has for each of our lives.
I am a very black and white person. Its hard for me to see things the way I should. I want the Lord to just speak right in my ear or write a note explaining " Anita, this is what I want for you and this is what you need to do!" Well, it never seems to workout the way I think it should. LOL. I know he is looking down on me thinking, she will get it, eventually. Bending, but not broken!!!! GOSH!!! It hurts to change and be transformed!!!! We as a family have been challenged over the past couple of years, yet had so many wonderful things have  happen. Death of my father 20 months ago, the incredible journey my dad took me down  and seeing heaven through his eyes, family relationships strained, a long adoption search, my 3 daughters asking Jesus to come live in their hearts!!! YES!!! I could go on and on!! I am so thankful for the Shepherd leaving the flock to get me back on track. How awesome to think that he would leave the entire flock to find the one that was in jeopardy! He has never left me!! I was the one who fell and thought I could get up on my own. HAH!! I can do nothing without the Father!!! I don't want to do anything without him.

In closing, we hear so much in the media these days about physical health and how we all need to do a better job with taking care of ourselves. Exercise, eating the right things, and maintaining a healthy weight. I just have to smile deep down because inside the house, our souls "spirits" need conditioning too. Yet, in the media, we don't hear anyone talking about this or how important it is for each of us. We are in a society that does not openly teach how to do this! This is the most important part in me because it will last me for eternity!!!!! I get one shot to get my spirit ready for forever!!! Sit back and think about this for a minute? It blows my mind!!! :)

 I challenge myself daily to push through fear and learn to let the Father carry me!! Surrendering to him daily!!! Its a process and one that is worked on continually. I truly want his will, nothing more, nothing less!!!

Have a blessed day everyone!!
Love, Anita

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