Saturday, May 19, 2012

Gaining Through Losing

When I was enduring my dads battle with cancer, I literally was lost and didn't know it at the time. I needed help and direction and God had a plan for the both of us. The journey that my dad took me down remains deep  within me daily. I truly got to in vision a piece of my dads journey. Seeing Heaven through my daddy's eyes. The only way to really explain it to anyone is it was if he had one foot in the flesh world and one foot in the spiritual world. He was transitioning to his eternal home. Many in the family thought that my dads mind had been altered due to the illness or the medication. He was absolutely crystal clear in his mind. The agitation was from him not wanting to let go and transition. He loved the Lord with every part of his being. He didn't have to talk about his faith. He lived it!! I remember him sitting on the edge of his bed one night. He was fading physically and the chemo was not doing anything but giving my dad some empty hope to still hang on and fight. He was struggling with what to do. He said, "Honey, I just don't know what to do?" I knew that he was literally torn between 2 worlds. I wanted to be very selfish and tell him to keep fighting for his children and grand children. I knew I could not ask this of my daddy. I told my dad that he would know when the time was right for him to make decisions. I told him I loved him and would always be here for him.

You see, when I lost my dad, I gained his insight that he shared with me along the way. I truly know so much more than I did before our journey together. I got to experience a very small piece of what we have to look forward too. Heaven is real! I seen it through my dad. I remember asking my dad one morning what he was seeing? He teared up and was speechless. He said that he was unable to even get close to explaining what he was experiencing and seeing. He said my mind was not able to conceive it. Almost two years have passed since his passing. I have looked back and know that all we shared was not only for his purpose, but also mine. Not all will ever get to experience this type of insight that I did. When we lose someone we want to believe that they have moved onto Heaven. I don't know why I was the one chosen by my daddy but I know that I needed to be worked on too. God knew that I needed to see what my dad was going through.

 My faith has grown and the Fathers gracious love endures. As I was slowly watching my dad slip away, I would be gaining through this precious mans loss!!! The grace that I observed that the Father poured out on him was nothing short of amazing. I seen my dad transition with such ease and grace. When he finally let go, the Father was laboring him for his spiritual birth into Heaven. I was right there and got to see it with my own eyes. Not many even get close to realizing what is truly going on. A woman will labor the birth of a child. We labor to be born and "some"will labor to die. I was right there when this mans heart was stopping and his spirit left his body. His spirit was being born and leaving for his eternal home!!! I cried tears of joy, yet my selfish flesh part cried because I wanted him to stay a little longer. I knew he was meeting his Lord and Savior. Daddy's crown would be the most beautiful and magnificent. He would be told, "Well done J. Bill you "faithful servant" for I am very pleased! I smiled and thought I will see you soon daddy!! I Love You!

Thank You Father for the courage to share just a piece of this incredible journey!!!

Have a blessed day everyone,

1 comment:

  1. Anita well done. So glad you shared this rare opportunity. Thanks for these memories of my dear favorite Uncle Bill. I will print & treasure it.